a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
