with your own penis?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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