Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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