Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
