im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
