Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
