Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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