So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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