We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
