As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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