I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
