Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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