I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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