I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
