DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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