If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
