coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
