Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
