I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
