I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
