Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
