i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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