I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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