There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
