I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
