my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
