New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
