Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
