I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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