So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
