but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
