I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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