you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
