her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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