Will you blow on my dice?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
