I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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