i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
