She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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