just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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