I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
