All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
