I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She tied me up with her honor cords...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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