It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
