you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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