Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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