is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
