some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
