I wish my penis had an off switch
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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