I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
