Taylor Swift is so right about you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
