my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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