I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
