honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
where does the pee come out of this thing
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
