this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
