on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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