We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
