somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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