So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
