I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I pour the whiskey from now on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
