i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
