suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
