Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
