he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
