Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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