i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
