I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
