1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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