why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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