I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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