And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize