I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
