OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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