You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
