Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
ttyl tear gas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
