how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
