This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
