im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize