Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
