Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
