Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
