What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
