Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
