I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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