you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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