On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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