I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My liver just had a heart attack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
