Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
