you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
