Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
