it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
