Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
