Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize