My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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